Personal experiences and revelations of a sinner saved by grace.
Author: Debbie Simmons
I am a Northerner by birth, a Southerner by choice. I moved from Michigan directly after High School to Texas, I currently live in Arkansas. I am married to the man that changed my whole outlook on relationships, together we share 4 children, 12 grandchildren and recently a great-grandchild, as well as many other children we call our own. I have been raising children all my adult life in one form or another, from my own, to fostering, to teaching at school & church and any that were just in need of a mom. l received salvation when I was 12 years old at vacation Bible school with my grandfather who was a Minister. I didn't find out what a Christian was until I was 33, that's when my life began to change. I have been studying the Word of God ever since, but more importantly I have come to know Him. I never had the daddy/daughter relationship with my earthly father, but I certainly do now with my heavenly Father. I can't even tell you how blessed I am to have come to the understanding of who I am because of what He has done. I know I am a sinner saved by grace and grateful for it. I am not where I want to be, but I also know I'm not where I used to be, Praise be to God! Currently I am retired and by the direction of the Holy Spirit I have been given an assignment to write, with great intention. That He, my Father might be glorified.
“For God is not a God of disorder but of peace” (1 Cor.14:33)
The hardest pill to swallow this year was realizing I meant so little to some people that meant the most to me. That kind of truth hits different! It will definitely humble you, it will also hurt you and teach you all at once. It’s called a wake-up call in my book, knowing that not everyone loves with the same kind of heart as you do. Some people only value you for what you can do for them or when it’s convenient for them. And the moment you stop pouring into them, you see their real intentions or you don’t see them at all, they have a way of diappearing altogether. Unfortunately for them and myself I have had to make some tough love decisions, by walking away from some relationships just so I could have mental clarity and peace. The blessing in the lesson in all of this is clarity. I hate being blindsided. I need communication and I need clarity that’s just how I roll. Be honest with me and don’t use my heart, because there are people out there that really need it and I am willing to give it. God promises to heal the brokenhearted and for that I am grateful. I confess right now I am the healed of the Lord!
I will not be anxious about anything, but in all things, every situation I will present my requests to God. And the peace of God …will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus, that’s a promise for me to stand on. (Philippians 4:6-7).
I also will not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but I will be transformed by the renewing of my mind, so then I will be able to test and approve what God’s will is (Romans 12:2). Through much prayer for direction regarding this wake-up call the Lord has opened doors through therapy and an amazing nerosurgeon Dr. Lee Warren who is teaching me ways to have a better understanding on how the brain actually works through the renewing or rewiring of our thought process.
I am so grateful that God kows what and who we need to speaking into our life at the just the right time.
Hear this word, you cows of Bashan, who are on the mountain of Samaria, who oppress the poor, who crush the needy, who say to your husbands, ‘bring that we may drink!’ (Amos 4:1)
This was written June 27, 2014 back when I wrote a thing called “Happy Post” for 365 days.
Happy June 27th
Day two … and I begin complaining. Turns out “My” plans were not my husbands plans for our 2nd day of travel on our vacation. I thought we could just wing it like many trips in the past and end up having the best time ever … it always seemed to work that way before, but NOT this time.
Then shortly thereafter I read this road sign that says, “When tempted to complain, Give thanks to God.
This morning when reading my devotional, as many times, the Spirit of God does much convicting and confirming on what I already heard or know.
Here in Amos (4:1) Hear this word, you cows of Bashan on Mount Samaria, you women who oppress the poor and crush the needy and say to your husbands, “Bring us some drinks!”
Cows of Bashan refer to the sleek, fat, well-fed women of Samaria. The cows raised there were pampered and indulged and were thought to be the best Canaan offered. Amos was comparing Bashan’s pampered cows to the pampered women of his day. They not only were spoiled … they expected it … they looked on it as their due. They cared nothing for those around them and were only worried about getting their own needs and desires indulged.
I enjoy being pampered and I am certainly a privileged woman. I need to be careful not to think my husband owes me anything. May I always be quick to remember never to become selfish or self-centered enough to think it is my due. May I never resemble those “cows of Bashan”!
If you could instantly master any skill, what would it be and why?
To love like this:
God the Father has an unfathomable love for Humanity and Jesus has a sacrificial love for us and if I could master that kind of love that would be my goal.
Regardless of whatever sin someone might have or fault no matter their character or whether they’re faithful to me or not, I still want to be able to find it in my heart to love them unconditionally. I know that is the kind of love Jesus Christ and my heavenly Father have for me.
I want to be able to show Grace and forgiveness just as soon as possible towards people who have offended me or hurt me. I want to be able to have patience with people giving them the benefit of the doubt when they do upset me. I want to be able to love my family and friends for who they are instead of who I want them to be. I even want to love people secretly, by doing acts of kindness that they’re not even aware of. I want people to feel my love for them by being fully present when they are feeling lonely or going through rough times, praying for them & by other acts of being present. The biggest part of love that I want, is to love my enemies, show kindness even when I’ve been mistreated and I’m angry at the situation. I want to master this thing called “love” because Love Never Fails.
What’s the best advice you’d give to someone younger than you?
First, know that you were born with individual gifts and talents, you were created uniquely and no one has your fingerprints, therefore no one will be able to leave your print on anything, anywhere, but you. Secondly, seek out God the One who created you to know exactly what He has already purposed for you. Next, listen carefully, surrender to your call and be obedient to give your all to whatever it is and you will prosper in all things, just as your soul prospers. Be sure to give God thanks for giving you these gifts and talents. Stay strong and courageous when rough days come, because they will, but they to shall pass and better days will be ahead of them. Learn the Fruits of the spirit and how to walk in them, that will cause you to get through the rougher days. Stay true to God, true to yourself and stay humble. Don’t let anyone convince you that you are not able, capable or enough, because you are. Love people unconditionally, forgive often and seek forgiveness when necessary. We live in a fallen, corrupt world full of imperfect people including ourselves, but we all still matter and we can all do good things.
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:2)
It’s 3:05 a.m. I’ve been tossing around in my bed for the past 45 minutes trying to ignore the wakening in my spirit to no prevail, so here I am. Yesterday was my first day back writing and well I guess the Lord is making up for lost time. I feel a couple things he is speaking to me about right now. One was the words I woke up hearing, “Blood transfusion” and secondly, “Giving permission to speak into my life.” Before I went to bed I spent a couple hours reading on the Lordship of Jesus Christ and what that meant. First I’d like to say, I’ll be studying this out further so hang in there with me on this one. Reason I am sharing this with you right this moment is because the words blood transfusion could only mean that my blood count is running low and I am in need of a transfusion, a spiritual transfusion. I need the blood of Christ to fill me up with His life giving power. I am pleading the blood of Jesus over myself right now as I type, I am renewing my mind to the things of Christ so that I can discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Though I am a child of God, saved by Grace, I also still live in the present world and I am still under attack by the evil one, so I have to resist its pressure by allowing Christ Jesus to Lord over me. Surrender all things unto Him.
Skipping to “giving permission for someone to speak into my life,” two weeks ago I joined a ladies Bible study group at my church and the topic was on community. The class had been in session for two weeks already, but my first night the leader touched on giving someone permission to speak into your life. You know not everyone has permission to speak into you? Nor should you allow just anyone too. Which obviously I do not have that problem because I prefer to solve things on my own and well I am not that good at it so I thought maybe I could learn to do this. So I came home from class and immediately told my husband he had permission to speak into my life. Yeah well that lasted about a day, then I took it back. I’m a work in progress! Life was getting rougher as the week went on and I was losing more and more blood “spiritual blood” that is, I was pulling away from my life line, my source. Why do we do that? We humans can be so dumb at times it’s no wonder we are referred to as sheep in the Bible.
Fast forward, I scheduled an appointment with a therapist, one I could trust to speak into my life. I was giving this person permission, because I knew I needed help and I was not going to get it on my own. Sometimes we have to admit where we are in life and get rid of that stink’n think’n and ask for help. Of course my first help came from the Lord Himself. It was the gentle urging to go to this group and allow others to help, after all He was putting these people in my path for a reason, that I might discern His will for my life through the renewing of my mind and through the topic … “Community.” We need people to do life well. Just as Moses needed Aaron and Hur to hold up his arms when he began to tire, we need our people to hold us up, that we will be able to overcome and win our battles just as Moses did.
This thing about our mind, we have got to stop letting society mold our values and behaviors, we are called to resist them. In my reading last night I was so upset with myself for just letting myself go with the flow even when it contradicts my faith, the Word of God. Real life change doesn’t just come from trying harder; it requires an inward change. You “renew your mind” by replacing worldly perspectives with God’s truth, through prayer, scripture, teachings from leaders rooted in the Word, even Therapists, of course I suggest one that relies on the teachings of Christ. As our way of thinking begins to align with God’s, that’s when we will get that spiritual clarity and be able to embrace His plans, we can see then that God’s will is “good, and pleasing and perfect”.
So, if your feeling spiritually drained or disconnected check your vital signs you may need some spiritual healing through divine blood transfusion, the ultimate source of life, Jesus Christ. He will continually restore your peace, strength, and purpose.
First pray that you’re headed in the right direction. Never do anything on a whim. You need a direct vision for what it is that you’re about to enter into. Research and more research. Find people who have already done what you’re doing and are extremely successful at it. Good role models. Find out what the costs are and not just financial cost. Be sure to take it seriously and be consistent using a well-structured plan. And remember winners don’t quit and quitters don’t win.
For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father! The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs-heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ (Romans 8:14-17)
I have a hard time reading all the Father’s Day comments on social media that people write regarding their earthly fathers because I never experienced those things. Matter of fact until I met Jesus I didn’t think I was ever wanted at all. Truth …until just 3 years ago I still wasn’t sure God the Father really loved me either.
Relationships can be hard at times for all people. There are so many types of relationships, some come natural and easy while others are a struggle and you find yourself in a constant battle trying to figure out how in the heck Jesus did this and how can I even come close to imitating Him in this area. I felt God must have been thinking that about me for years. Like, “what on earth is wrong with this girl? I know I don’t make mistakes, but …really? This girl, I have to question myself, what was I thinking when creating her.” But like I said 3 years ago I come to know God as my Father, the One TRUE Father. The one that loves unconditionally and without a spirit of shame, doubt or question. He knew exactly what He was doing when He created me and He said it was good. I am made in His image, so therefore I must be some kind of good, just saying.
I had been feeling less than adequate as a wife, mother, grandmother, friend, servant for God and a whole lot of, not the daughter I needed to be. I absolutely couldn’t take what I was going through a minute more. I didn’t go to church last week because of everything I was going through, actually I ended up going to therapy, two different times. Let me say right quick, therapy is okay. There was a time in my life I kept everything in and when it did come out it was like dynamite in a landmine. Today I wasn’t feeling like I wanted to be around a lot of people yet, so going to church wasn’t something I really wanted to do, but I knew I would only make matters worse if I didn’t go and I am SOooo glad I did. First the friendly faces and kind words from my church family was much needed, but then during worship, when I began to sing, the lyrics rose up inside of me lighting the fire, causing the flame to burn higher and hotter, for I was now back in relationship with my Father and I didn’t want to be anywhere else. See I had been writing a blog everyday since I began the breadandwater blog, but the last one I wrote was June 13th, eight days ago, which actually seemed like a month. I wasn’t feeling my Father’s love, hearing His voice, feeling His touch, so I couldn’t write. I chose to isolate. I did my daily chores and slept the rest of the time, until today. It’s Father’s Day and I am grateful I have a Father.
Now I would like to wish all the fathers out there a very Happy Father’s Day and even more so, a Happy Father’s Day to my Father, Abba! Father!
What’s a common misconception people have about happiness?
If you are expecting others to bring about happiness in your life, plan on being a very unhappy person. Happiness is temporal, contingent on the moment, Joy is different. Joy is not subject to people or things, it’s an inner peace. Choose Joy. Happiness is underrated. It doesn’t last.
“The joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10)
Last night there was a beautiful sky that continued on into the morning. I took pictures of it both in the evening and the morning. I made a post on social media describing how God makes everything beautiful. I felt wonderful at that moment and looking forward to a great day and then … “little fox” came along and changed everything.
27 years ago we bought our first home here in Arkansas, it wasn’t everything we would have wanted, but it became my home for the next 19 years. Coming from a background of inconsistency in having a permanent home, both as a child and as an adult, this meant more than I can explain. I use to keep track of every place I ever lived. I remembered every address, what the houses looked like, the phone numbers, I had a good memory, but that was all those places were, was memories. Eight years ago, we sold that home of 19 years and I have struggled with it this whole time. The house we bought to take the place of my home was my mother-in-laws home, her memories and my husbands memories and everyone around us their memories, five generations of memories, but not mine. I have struggled to try to make this my home because of fear of taking away their memories. But I continue to try.
Back to the “little fox.” As I was posting my daily blog I thought I should check my emails, I was expecting a response from a company I had emailed earlier in the week, when I came across a listing of my former home for sale. Suddenly looking through the 17 plus, photos of the place I began to cry. I felt as though I had just been punched in my stomach, the aching of never being able to go back to that place I once called home was literally taking my breath away. I began to see all the things I had lost since the move. My community, neighbors, my job was there, but in the move I decided I would settle for early retirement. My family was moving off, others were not coming as often as they used to and we were not making the trips we did in the past either. My grandkids once made comments about this didn’t feel like our home, it felt like Granny’s, because it was. They to grew up with memories of this place, memories of going to Granny’s. Our home was Mimi & PawPaw’s and it was at a different location than here. Pets were dying and disappearing, my husband lost his job that was suppose to take us into retirement, now we were living a very different kind of life and I no longer had my support system around me. I felt very alone, lonely was more like it. I had shingles right after we moved here for the first time, then covid hit, had that twice and nearly died the first time, ended up with breathing problems since. Brought family here from another state then the relationship fell apart. Brought a former foster of ours that was still family that was battling Leukemia, he passed after two years of trying to get to a bone marrow transplant. I went through a litter of 15 pups all by myself and did well until 6 weeks in I took them to the vet for their first series of vaccines where they contracted parvo and I lost 4 to that. My husband stayed home from work for a week and we worked day and night to keep these guys alive. My husband took another week off work to go through hospice with me and our boy before laying him to rest. I could go on for another several pages of things I lost since I made the move, but I say all this to say, “Little foxes.”
I had recently relinquished all of this loss over to the Lord when the little foxes appeared and tried to steal my joy, my hope and my peace by bringing this back up. Please hear me when I say, it’s all little foxes in the spiritual realm of life. Yes, I have lost many people and things over the years and will continue to until I make it to my final home. For me and you, if you are a believer in the One True God, Jesus Christ our Savior, then you know EVERYTHING will one day vanish.
I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future and though the little fox from this morning that decided to cause havoc in my mind and heart, he doesn’t get to stay here.
I am learning to give things over to God a whole lot quicker than I have in the past. One scripture that really stands out to me this morning is: (Psalms 30:5b) Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
Will the sadness of my former home be gone completely? No, but I can have joy in knowing that God still has great plans for my life in the here and now.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” (Ja. 1:2-4)
When we are going through a trial in our life the first thing that comes to mind is not usually joy. Scriptures tells us that “Joy in trials,” are designed to produce spiritual maturity. The testing of our faith, it’s intended to make our faith genuine, which then results in steadfast, a life of faithful endurance while going through the troubles and afflictions. Now verse four says steadfastness leads to perfection. We believers grow in holiness but are not perfected in it, until Jesus returns.
I struggled in school with retaining knowledge that was being taught to me, it seemed very difficult. It always seemed like the teachers were talking some foreign language. If it was a subject that I didn’t get, I really did not get it. My home life was not a place I felt compelled or comfortable about going to for help. Though my dad only had an 9th grade education, he was pretty intelligent and my mom was not educated to the point she could be of any help with homework. My dad was also a perfectionist therefore he expected nothing but the same from me let me just say, he was the last person I wanted help from. Most times when a test was coming up, I was not properly prepared and I would fail or barely make the passing grade. I’m going to share something just to make a point. My parents had very high expectations, all A’s and B’s anything but, was going to be quite costly if you know what I am saying. I feared my parents wrath for not being able to comprehend what was being taught. They did not instruct, instead it was just the opposite. When you have that kind of pressure on you, there is no way you can receive anything good from that. God is not like that, as a matter of fact when He sets test before us, his intention for the test is for a positive outcome. Through our spiritual tests God’s desire is for us to learn. In the above scripture I’ve been referring to is a lesson to learn on unwavering faith, endurance and how to handle the afflictions of life, He/God does not put afflictions on us, unlike the way my parents were teaching me. How many times were you given a test in school to do over? Probably not many, because we were expected to study for the test ahead of time and be prepared to pass it. God gives us instructions to help us pass the tests in life, but when we don’t pass he is gracious enough to give us chance after chance after chance to get it right. His goal and desire for us is to learn, and grow from what we have learned.
In our continual do-overs we learn very valuable lessons in life. Everytime I fail a life test the next time I attempt to take the test, I do it with much more knowledge, understanding and wisdom. I have learned how joy fits into the equation. I have learned patience with myself because my heavenly Father has shown patience with me. It has helped build my character, I no longer feel like a failure, instead I am more than a conqueror, I see myself as my heavenly Father sees me. I now have that unwavering faith God teaches us about through His spirit of kindness and gentleness. We are able to pass the tests, we just need to take instruction from our loving Father. And continue to remind yourself your still working on perfection, but He who started to good work in you is faithful and just to finish it.
My natural father did teach me a very valuable lesson though. Near the ending of my school years he would say to me, “you’ll never learn from school what you’ll learn by experience.” That has definitely proven to be true.
Bread and Water 