Little Foxes

“The joy of the Lord is my strength” (Nehemiah 8:10)

Last night there was a beautiful sky that continued on into the morning. I took pictures of it both in the evening and the morning. I made a post on social media describing how God makes everything beautiful. I felt wonderful at that moment and looking forward to a great day and then … “little fox” came along and changed everything.

27 years ago we bought our first home here in Arkansas, it wasn’t everything we would have wanted, but it became my home for the next 19 years. Coming from a background of inconsistency in having a permanent home, both as a child and as an adult, this meant more than I can explain. I use to keep track of every place I ever lived. I remembered every address, what the houses looked like, the phone numbers, I had a good memory, but that was all those places were, was memories. Eight years ago, we sold that home of 19 years and I have struggled with it this whole time. The house we bought to take the place of my home was my mother-in-laws home, her memories and my husbands memories and everyone around us their memories, five generations of memories, but not mine. I have struggled to try to make this my home because of fear of taking away their memories. But I continue to try.

Back to the “little fox.” As I was posting my daily blog I thought I should check my emails, I was expecting a response from a company I had emailed earlier in the week, when I came across a listing of my former home for sale. Suddenly looking through the 17 plus, photos of the place I began to cry. I felt as though I had just been punched in my stomach, the aching of never being able to go back to that place I once called home was literally taking my breath away. I began to see all the things I had lost since the move. My community, neighbors, my job was there, but in the move I decided I would settle for early retirement. My family was moving off, others were not coming as often as they used to and we were not making the trips we did in the past either. My grandkids once made comments about this didn’t feel like our home, it felt like Granny’s, because it was. They to grew up with memories of this place, memories of going to Granny’s. Our home was Mimi & PawPaw’s and it was at a different location than here. Pets were dying and disappearing, my husband lost his job that was suppose to take us into retirement, now we were living a very different kind of life and I no longer had my support system around me. I felt very alone, lonely was more like it. I had shingles right after we moved here for the first time, then covid hit, had that twice and nearly died the first time, ended up with breathing problems since. Brought family here from another state then the relationship fell apart. Brought a former foster of ours that was still family that was battling Leukemia, he passed after two years of trying to get to a bone marrow transplant. I went through a litter of 15 pups all by myself and did well until 6 weeks in I took them to the vet for their first series of vaccines where they contracted parvo and I lost 4 to that. My husband stayed home from work for a week and we worked day and night to keep these guys alive. My husband took another week off work to go through hospice with me and our boy before laying him to rest. I could go on for another several pages of things I lost since I made the move, but I say all this to say, “Little foxes.”

I had recently relinquished all of this loss over to the Lord when the little foxes appeared and tried to steal my joy, my hope and my peace by bringing this back up. Please hear me when I say, it’s all little foxes in the spiritual realm of life. Yes, I have lost many people and things over the years and will continue to until I make it to my final home. For me and you, if you are a believer in the One True God, Jesus Christ our Savior, then you know EVERYTHING will one day vanish.

I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future and though the little fox from this morning that decided to cause havoc in my mind and heart, he doesn’t get to stay here.

I am learning to give things over to God a whole lot quicker than I have in the past. One scripture that really stands out to me this morning is: (Psalms 30:5b) Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.

Will the sadness of my former home be gone completely? No, but I can have joy in knowing that God still has great plans for my life in the here and now.

Weeping does end and morning does come.